My darling, sweet darling,
you know I love the sea.

Away from you, the salt-filled wounds
bring myself to me.

I pray for you, my darling;
everything we shall be.

In your arms once more, amor,
I’ll be eventually.

This wasn’t supposed to happen
This wasn’t in my plans
It should be far down on my list
To be looking for a man

I don’t know how this happened —
Well, I guess that isn’t true:
I suppose this is expected; I’ve
spent too much time with you

So close to graduation,
And as the end comes near,
My head is screaming “get a grip,”
We don’t need a new hope here

I didn’t want to do this
but now I can’t be the same
My friends ask me about you
and my momma knows your name

So what is the next step now?
Really, what can I do?
Anxiously I’m waiting to
match the next step with you.

I
know not the font these thoughts do spring,
yet in my head these patterns ring.
the yearning pulls where I shan’t go,
so live, I must, with never know.

You
above all clouds do soar, of course,
and every talk shall reinforce.
life beckons where you next shall go,
so to the world, your talent, show.

We
try both to search our destiny
yet we again shall never be.
the ending everybody knows,
we must move on, and so it goes.

mom
is this how you felt too
when you were young
and unsure of where your life would go
did you have hopes that stretched across the world
or did you hope to stay near home
or did you not plan at all
living each day
one at a time
having fun

mom
is this how you felt
sitting next to dad
hoping one day
to marry
but still unsure of what the future held
and where this life would go
but i have hopes that stretch across the sea
i already left home far behind
though i keep you close at heart
and i plan too much
as i live day by day
wondering

mom
is this how you feel
next to dad
with a home and a family
to call your own
finally
are you still unsure where your life will go
have your hopes stretched across the years
as now we live
one day at a time
always wondering
if
this is the good life
with its ups and downs
and uncertainties

mom
i’m not sure how you feel
but this
is the good life to me

mom
i love you

A love song gone sour because you’re gone
Not because you left me – you left the world
We were long done when you departed
A song you sung to me, for me, of me, constantly

Now here it plays, the memory stays
As time washes over these pieces, the edges may smooth
Each corner less sharp – one day, I’ll pick them up
Until then, I tread carefully here

I no longer see those friends – I live far away
Your family moved; I don’t know where they stay
Slowly, the rest of you will fade all out of me
One day, maybe, this song will not have this memory

You’ll know. You’ll understand. Until then,

hold on tight, my dear. Don’t lose the light.

Even though life seems hard for now,

you’ll make it through this dark night.

This goes to everyone who wanted to make it
but they couldn’t take it
the world had to take their soul and break it
and even I couldn’t save it
I’m sorry for the calls I didn’t make
the skin I didn’t see lost
the pattern had laid itself to be clear
but so cleverly disguised
If only the signs were clearer
but they were; the eyes were closed
and now the stars shine with one less lens to watch
maybe the spirits dance with the lost tonight
but for now I stand here still
I serve to protect and help
hopefully it’s enough one day

I wrote this for you years ago, but I never shared it. Now, here we are.

~

I know it’s selfish to ask you to hang on.
I know it’s selfish to ask you to keep struggling.
I know it’s selfish of me to force you to stay here.
I know it’s selfish to want you to stay with us.

I know you think no one can see your pain,
and I know you think we wouldn’t care anyway.
I know you wish you didn’t have to fight so hard
in a war you no longer want any part.

I know you’re sick of hearing life gets better.
I know you feel like life will go on, so it doesn’t matter.
I know there’s nothing I can do to change how you see you.
And I know that only you can find what you’re looking for.

I know you’ve been hurt and scarred
by others and by yourself.
I know you’re done trying
to fill the shadow you’re in.
I know you’ve seen enough hate
to fill a lifetime over.
And yet, you’re still forced to live
here where no one cares.

And you know, I know it’s selfish
for me to ask this deed of you.
Because I already know firsthand
there are things that you’ve gone through.

I know it’s selfish to ask for another battle.
I know it’s selfish to ask you to burn a little longer.
I may not know the real you; maybe no one does,
but that doesn’t matter to me for now.

I know you’ve heard leaving for yourself is selfish.
I know you’ve been scolded, “Think of those you’ll leave behind.
How could you consider doing such a thing?
Think of the family and friends you’ll hurt.”
I want you to know, even though those words sting,
and fill you with anger and spite and desperation,
those people are the selfish ones,
Because they can’t bear losing you, because they love you too.

I know it’s selfish to ask a candle to burn longer:
the wax is gone, the will to shine, the wick close to nothing.
I know it’s selfish, but I ask,
Will you keep your light aflicker?

I know it’s selfish to ask you to stick around while you’re in so much pain.
You want to find some relief, I know you do, and I’m not here to stop you.
I just want you to remember, however long that it takes, I’ll find you again.
And I know it’s selfish.

But you know what? I’m selfish.
And I’d rather have you here already,
from beginning to the end.

My life is a maze
Of the works I’ve penned
So few reach the light
But the flow never ends

The circle crosses once more
Another loss; strife and pain
I wander through words and music
Searching for myself again